Our Former Congressmember is in Jail

Michael Grimm mugshot

Reporters can rest easy: no one’s gonna throw them off a fucking balcony for the next eight months, or break them in half like a boy. Our disgraced former congressional representative Michael Grimm, a petty thug who pleaded guilty last year to a count of federal tax evasion and was sentenced this summer to eight months in jail, went to jail this week. His name now is “83479-053,” and as of Tuesday he lives at the McKean Federal Correctional Institute, a medium-security facility in western Pennsylvania. (He had asked to do his time in New Jersey, so he could be closer to his mother and sister, but the request was denied.) “Grimm may be pleasantly surprised the commissary…stocks styling gel,” John Marzulli writes in the Daily News.

Grimm was also scheduled to enter prison 12 days ago, but received a delay so he could have an unspecified surgical procedure, heal and attend a follow-up appointment with his physician.

Other groups who can feel better now that Grimm is behind bars: people who need to pee at bars, anyone at a nightclub who’s not white.

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